12 Weeks Ago...

All is quiet on this beautiful Sunday afternoon (well, as soon as I typed the "A" in "all," Will starting crying...hopefully he'll settle back down). I directed the Cherub Choir as they sang "Rejoice and Sing" as the introit for the church service. They did great. Millie made her Cherub Choir debut (a few weeks before her 4th birthday) and swayed and did a little dance as she sang...but she sang every word. We had a great lunch with the Littles at Tijuana Flats. Sat outside. Aaaahhh...fresh air.

Anyway, I don't have the energy to type for long. I just wanted to make sure I wrote down that I remember where I was this time 12 weeks ago - checking into Winter Park hospital not knowing that on that night I would meet this sweet little one:

The journey has been long with him and continues to be longer and harder than I imagined (more to come on that), but I am loving and getting to know Will more and more each day...and I fall more in love with him each day. I kiss his cheeks more. I examine every hair, every scar from the NICU (not many, don't worry), every sweet little toe, every small grin and every little coo...always seeing little bits of sister and brother in him. It is a joy to endure a trial with a little one...for you love and know him more...and soak up every second. The seconds can be hard and unbearable at times...but they are there...and I soak it up.

Happy 12 weeks, Will. Mommy loves you and continues to walk the journey of your little life with you. It is not what I expected, but it is sweet in both its joys and trials. I always want your face close to mine as it was the first moment they handed you to me. The warmth of your sweet cheeks against mine is and I think always will be a reminder of our unique bond. I love you so much.

Why I Love Martha Speaks

Hunter, in the middle of school today, asked me: "Have you ever played 'Name that Aroma'?"

No, son. Never heard of it.

After further questioning, Hunter told me that it was a game they played on Martha Speaks. "Aroma." A word I don't think I have ever used with him. I love the unexpected words I hear from the kids every once in a while...and most of it is due to a regular helping of "Martha Speaks."

8 Weeks Old

I'm sitting on my couch watching the Oscars, and Will is sleeping soundly next to me wrapped in my favorite fuzzy blanket just sucking happily on his paci (see picture below). 8 weeks ago he was not even an hour old. I was dazed in a recovery room trying to figure out what in the world had just happened. So happy. So scared. Just trying to figure out what was going on.

This sweet baby. What a ride. This morning as I was in church with Will snuggly wrapped in the Moby and sleeping against my chest, I remembered this day seven weeks ago...and I wanted to write it down to remember it.

Raw...that is what described January 9, 2011. One week old. My Dad and sister had just left town. Donny and I had had a hard night. My Mom was at home with Hunter and Millie. Will was in the NICU still, and we were heading to church. Before leaving the hospital, Donny and I stopped by the NICU to check on Will. Most of our visits to the NICU were really, really hard for me. They were such a blur.

Anyway, that Sunday morning was the morning the doctors told us that they were suspecting some kind of virus in Will. I can't remember if they had done his spinal tap yet...I think that horrible morning came the next day on Monday...but Will was sick, and the doctors needed to figure out what it was. Donny was very concerned, but I just couldn't handle another emotional burden to carry. Perhaps it was a bit of post-partum depression or just hormones raging on top of being apart from my baby. It could have been anything, but all I wanted to do was get out of that NICU...let the doctors do their thing, and get to church.

We went to church that morning. Staci had already gotten the kids and taken them to Sunday School. So many of our dear church friends were shocked to see us there...but where else would we go? We needed to be with family...and they are truly family. Of course as soon as I walked through the doors, the tears welled up and hardly left while we were there. People continued to tell us they were praying for us and Will, and a simple "thank you" was all I could muster in most cases. I was walking through the fellowship hall in a haze, but I needed to be there. We both needed to be there.

God really used Will's birth and NICU stay to show us the love of the body of Christ through our church. My strongest memory of that Sunday morning was our dear friend, Justin Borger, who was assisting in worship. When he led the congregation in the pastoral prayer, he prayed first for the marriages of the church and specifically for the recent marriage of Jimmy Crandall of our church. Then he prayed for all the families of the church and prayed specifically for Will. With a crack in his voice as he said Will's name, Donny and I both lost it. Donny doesn't cry. That morning, at the sound of his friend mentioning the name of our son who was too far away in a NICU bed, I reached my hand to Donny's back and we both lost it. Our son was not with us. My arms felt so empty. But his name was spoken and known to our entire church. In a way, God gave me the gift of Will's presence in name as he was mentioned in prayer. Our son, who had not been seen by very many people at all, was known...and that meant so much.

Raw...that's the only word to really describe how I felt that day. My son was a week old, and he was not with me. I sat in church without him, and all was not right. Every song sung, every prayer prayed...it was so raw. Everything had a different meaning, because part of myself was not there...it was back at the hospital. I could have sworn I had an open wound, because it felt so raw to be exposed in my pain and loneliness of not being with my newest son.

But our church was there. Our family was there. And God was there through them. All was a haze, but I knew God was there because of the love of our church family.

Many friends crowded around us after the service for hugs and to ask about Will. I eventually had to sit down, because it was getting to hard to stand (since I was still recovering from my c-section). The crowds dwindled, and our friend Ted and Staci asked if they could take us to lunch. Normalcy. I just wanted some normalcy. So we went to the Olive Garden. We went home, grabbed my mom, and we went out for Sunday lunch.

We then returned to the hospital...still raw...but with newness of hope. We were planning on leaving the hospital the next day to begin long days of multiple commutes back and forth...but we had hope and strength. We were being carried by our God mainly through the love and prayers of our church family.

Happy 8 weeks, Will. I still feel a little raw even with you sitting here beside me. A part of me lives on the outside, and I will continue to trust my God with you.

I will try to chronicle your story as I am able. Please know that I am crazy about you. You have me wrapped around your little finger. 8 weeks and, Lord alone willing, many more weeks, months, and years to hold, love, kiss you, and trust my God in the rawness that comes with giving birth to you and watching you grow.

Now it's time for you to eat...and watch the rest of the Oscars. I'm especially enjoying the movie/musical remix as I finish this post.

Good night. Gonna go hold my little 8 week old...this little piece of myself that is not my own. He belongs to God, and I will hold him even as we are both held by His good arms.

In case I don't get back to blogging for a while...here are a few things about Will at 8 weeks:

• You LOVE your paci...sometimes won't sleep without it
• You are still really squooshy and love to be held tightly and in a ball...very womb-like
• Your longest stretch of sleep is 4 hours...you are getting up twice in the night
• You haven't smiled yet...excited for that day.
• Your eyes are dark, dark blue. Gorgeous...just like I prayed (and have prayed for all of your siblings).
• I think you would sleep all day long if someone would just hold you...you LOVE to be held and snuggled...and I love snuggling you.

One Month Old

One month ago tonight...just a few minutes old.

Our Will...one month old.

It's 5:20 p.m. Will is sitting here in my lap awake really for the first time all day (except for eating...he always wakes up to eat). I can't believe it's been a month. I don't know what he's looking at, but he is staring at something to his right just sucking away on his orange paci from the hospital. He loves that thing. He's wearing a rockstar guitar outfit courtesy of Aunt Jenn and cousin Micah. It's one of my faves so far. Hiccups abound. Life is normal....a new normal but gloriously normal.

This past month has been one of the strangest, hardest, and most wonderful of my life. In a way, Will's first 2 1/2 weeks feel like a dream or movie that didn't really happen to me. I remember things quite vividly but also as if I was watching it happen to me rather than experiencing it myself. Here's a little of the story from my perspective...

Sunday morning, January 2...definitely didn't feel great. We spent Friday night the 31st at our friends the Nolls' house for New Year's Eve. We stayed much later than I had planned because we were having such a good time...laughed a lot. Saturday morning, Jan. 1 we went shopping as a family. We bought the one thing I said I needed for the baby: a changing pad. It's the only necessity that we didn't have before the baby was to come. Saturday afternoon/early evening we went to Sea World to see a few Christmas shows before they ended. Needless to say, it was a really full weekend. That Sunday morning, something had changed. I told Donny that I felt like I was carrying the baby differently. Something was different. Little did I know...

I went to church. Feeling the way I did, I would have normally stayed at home to rest, but I did not have to sing in choir, and Donny did not have to assist in worship, so we got to sit together as a family, and I was not going to miss that opportunity (sorry for the crazy long sentence). I was tired, sore, and just feeling weird. Couldn't quite put my finger on it. I would have said for sure I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Little did I know...

The minute we got home from church, I asked Donny to do lunch for the kids. I went back to our bedroom to sit in our recliner. And it began...the all too familiar surges of pain I felt with Millie. With Millie, I had to call my sister to ask if I was in labor (because I didn't go into labor on my own with Hunter, so I wasn't sure). This time I knew what those pains probably were. Sitting in the chair, the pain came with some frequency...but certainly it wasn't labor (I thought). I laid down on my bed to see if a change in position would help alleviate the pain. Not so much. I finally called my doctor (who was on call, thankfully). I had just seen her on Friday for an appointment. When I found out she was on call for New Year's weekend, I told her that I hoped she would have an uneventful weekend on call. Little did I know...

I told my doctor I was having menstrual-like surges of pain every 2-3 minutes. My doctor told me to drink a lot of water and give the pain an hour to subside. If it did not stop, she told us to come in to labor and delivery. Funny thing...I was planning on going to the hospital the next week to tour the labor and delivery and baby hall. So we had to look up the hospital and call and ask where labor and delivery were.

The whole way there, I was preparing myself to be humiliated as one who showed up thinking she was in labor when in fact it was gas or something else. The pain wasn't really increasing, but it wasn't going away either. When we got to labor and delivery, they hooked me up to some machines and confirmed that I was indeed contracting. My heart sank, and I tried not to panic. I was 34 weeks and 6 days...and that just felt a little too early. I would have been fine with it in a couple of weeks...but this felt too early. The nurses said the doctor wanted to try to stop my labor by giving me some tributelene (sp?). Well, my heart sank again. When I went into labor with Millie, they gave me tributelene to try to slow my labor, and it did not make a dent in my labor with her...so I wondered if my body would respond (or not respond) the same way. And it did (or didn't). Two or three doses later, my labor was not slowing, and I was continuing to steadily dilate. We were admitted around 3:15 p.m. in the afternoon. By 6:00 or so, the nurses were preparing us that we might be having our baby that night.

As I prepared to give birth and face whatever having a 34 week and 6 day baby would mean, I needed to see my kids. Thankfully, our dear friend Staci had taken the kids to her house. Really, I could not have gotten through this without her and her help. I had Donny call Staci and ask her to bring the kids. It meant so much to get that last "family of four" picture and to be able to tell the kids ourselves that their baby brother or sister was on his/her way. It was so important for me to hug them and be with them one last time before the baby came.

Around 7:30 p.m., my doctor came in to confirm that we would be having the baby tonight. Lots of deep breaths. Lots of arrow prayers just asking for the safe arrival of our little one. The preparations began and in less than an hour I was in an operating room getting ready for a c-section. Donny isn't allowed in the operating room while I am getting my spinal, so he stayed back to put on his operating room gear...and apparently to eat a bite, because Bud had just arrived with dinner for Donny as I was going into the operating room. My doctor was ready to get started, and Donny had not come in the OR yet. It was the most panicked I felt all day. Turns out Donny, Bud, and his son Grey were praying together before the surgery. I'm all for praying, mind you, but man did they cut it close.

Donny arrived. He made it. I really was unsure. Oh, and did I mention he had the camera? I'm not sure what/who I wanted there more - Donny or the camera. It was Donny, of course, but I really wanted my camera there too. My relief was so great. And there we were...ready for the birth of our child. Oh yeah, and we get to find out if he is a boy or a girl. Just a little detail that kinda got lost in the midst of the other unknown factors of the day.

The surgery was great (as good as surgery can be). My best c-section of the three. No pain or discomfort. No nausea. The drape was higher than the one in Lexington. When I had Hunter and Millie I could see my doctor, but I couldn't see Dr. Moore this time. That was ok...just different. She talked to me throughout...and then he came...a boy. Our son. He cried. Loud. It's the same cry he still cries today. I know his cry will change over time, but I am thankful for that newborn cry still. There was so much that was scary and unknown. His cry was relieving, so I cherish it.

My head was spinning...a boy. Was he healthy? What was happening to him? Was Donny getting enough pictures? 7lbs., 60z. Yep, we make 'em big. Can you imagine how big he would have been if I was still carrying him (considering I'm not due until next Monday)?

I got to hold him for a little while on the operating table. They actually let me hold him. I don't remember getting to hold Hunter and Millie. I just remember Donny holding them up to me. But I got to hold this little one. And I held his cheek close to mine for as long as they would let me. I wanted to feel his warm skin and hear/feel him breathing against my own cheek. He was here. I couldn't believe it...and in some ways I still can't.

He was here. He is here. Happy one month my sweet Will. I will process more of this journey as I am able. I am just so happy he is here. The time following his birth was so difficult, but it has made these days now so sweet.

One month. Not taking a day for granted. Praying for many, many more...

Dear Will...

You're here. I can't believe you are here. I wait sometimes to feel you move again inside of me, and then I remember that you are here. But I'm here on the sofa in our little house on Timor Ave., and you're not here. You're back at the hospital...and I ache. You're not inside my womb anymore. You're 6 miles away while I wait to go back for your next feeding. I miss you so much.

Will you please eat? It's the only thing keeping you from coming home to me. Honestly, my desire for you to get out of the NICU is primarily for my benefit. My heart can't take this apartness too much longer. I can't walk out of your hospital room too many more times without just bursting. I know that God will give me the grace to go in and out of your room as many times as I need until you are ready to come home...but it just feels so unbearable right now.

In the nearly two weeks since your birth, you have changed so much. You already seem like such a big boy. I'm still trying to figure out if you look more like Hunter or Millie as a newborn, but I think you are a mix. You have some "older" features that remind me of Millie, but when you sleep in Daddy's arms, I see Hunter. They are so excited for you to come home. Hunter has already been asking when you can sleep in their room. I can't wait for you to join our life at home. I will wait for that day, but I continue to long for you to be able to live life with your brother and sister. Y'all will love each other. We haven't even gotten a picture yet of our family of five, because only one child is allowed in the NICU at a time. Oh, how I long for all five of us to be in a room together.

I know you are not mine. I had that attitude in the beginning. I was discouraged, because I thought you belonged more to the nurses and the hospital and the NICU than to me...but a good friend reminded me that you belong to no one but the Lord. You don't belong to the hospital. You don't belong to the nurses. You don't belong to me either. The Lord has given you to our family. He knit you together in my womb and brought about your days on the earth by His good and perfect will. Will, I will thank the Lord for everyday he gives us to love and care for you. And I will wait for when the Lord allows that to be in our own home.

I love you, Sweetie. I love your scrunchy face...just how I thought a squirmy one like you might be. I love your little squeaks and squeals. When you start to cry it always starts with a squeal. I love how you look at me for the longest time right as we start to nurse. It's fun to connect with your beautiful, dark eyes in those moments. I love watching you grow. I wish I could watch you right here in our home...but I will watch you wherever God has us. You will not always be under our roof. God is using this time to teach me that you are his and not mine. That has been a major lesson for me. I am, however, ready to learn more with you here with me, snuggling on our old couch on which I have lain and snuggled with your brother and sister.

Will, please come home soon. Your Mommy misses you while we are apart. Lord, please bring my boy home. I will wait and trust you to be sufficient in the ache. I will try not to panic, thinking that I am missing these first few weeks of my son's life. I will embrace these weeks by your grace...knowing that you have things for me to experience in these weeks that I might not at home. Thank you for my son. What a treasure he is.

Will, I love you, and I will see you in a little more than two hours when we return to the hospital for the umpteenth time. And I will continue to come back until we can bring you home. What a day that will be.

With all my love,
Mommy

Dear Little One...

I wish I knew your name. We haven't decided yet. That's one of the hard things of not knowing if you are a boy or girl. There is so much energy and heart involved in picking a name. It's so hard to do it for both boy and girl names. But...you are known. I know you right now as Squiggly McGee, because you are so much squirmier than I remember your brother or sister being. Last night I was sitting and I think you were just thumping your foot or something inside of me, because there was just a repetitive "thump, thump, thump" on my left side...but always near the top. Hunter loves to feel you move. His eyes light up when he sees or feels you move. I can't wait to see how Millie and Hunter respond to you. They express such delight already.

Dear one, I love you. I spend more time wondering what you are like inside of me. How big are you at this point (32 weeks)? Will you be as big as your brother and sister? Will you have their (and my) eyes? Are you a little sister or brother? Hunter most often guesses sister, and Millie most often guesses brother. I think that's funny.

I feel a little fragile as these final weeks of pregnancy approach. Christmas always makes me a little more emotional, but I also know that the full experience of you in this life is not a given. In the past few years I know of those close and far from me who have experienced terrible loss...and I know your life is not to be taken for granted. Perhaps that is why this pregnancy has been different. As Jesus was born at Christmas, he was born to face awful, horrific circumstances. Betrayal and the worst possible of deaths. Although none of us will experience what our Lord went through for us, I am reminded today that you are not promised protection from tragedy. We are not promised protection from horror...but we are promised a Savior who came at Christmas who is a refuge and strength and offers perfect peace.

I pray for a full experience of you in this life...for many, many wonderful years (yep. there's that little kick on my left side).

Seriously, squirmy...what are you going to be like? What will I be like? I want nothing more than you this Christmas...and I will wait patiently and expectantly. I will know you by name and by face and fingers and toes and by the many nuances that are only and all yours. Delight.

For now, I will watch you squirm and wait...and love you more and more.

Love, Mommy

Who Left Me in Charge?

I'm home tonight. The kids are in bed, and Donny is out at a meeting. Thankfully, there haven't been many nights like this lately, but tonight was one of those nights when I was in charge. Daddy didn't come home from work/school, and I had the kids all day. It's funny. When I have days like that (probably because they aren't too frequent), I tend to do ok. I think God gives me what I need for the demands of days like today...and I rely on him more. On normal days I probably fail more miserably, because I put my trust in when Donny gets home or just making it to naptime or whatever.

Anyway, I had one of those funny moments as a parent tonight when I mumbled to myself: "Who left me in charge?" It was 7:00 p.m. - The kids were cuddled up on my bed watching a little of "Beauty and the Beast" before bed. Throughout the day I had schooled them, fed them, yelled at them, repented, gone to Bible Study, had a friend's daughter over for lunch, had naptime (for all of us), afternoon snacks, "Martha Speaks" at 4:30 (a daily ritual), play and clean up, dinner, baths, more cleaning, and then 30 minutes of their video before bed.

Oh...and before the video I tried to pull Hunter's 2nd loose tooth. I think of all the "big girl/mommy" things I did today, trying to pull his tooth was one thing that really makes me feel like a mommy and a child all at once. Really? Am I old enough to have a child losing teeth? I remember my dad taking dental floss to my loose teeth to pull them out...and that's just what I did tonight. I don't really fight the teeth, so we'll give it another go tomorrow, but it just feels so weird to be pulling my baby's baby teeth. Who left me in charge?

As the kids were in my room watching "Beauty and the Beast," I had another "moment." "Beauty and the Beast" was my favorite movie as a little girl/young teen. Belle is still my favorite princess. I had dreams of being Belle in the Disney stage show at Hollywood Studios (MGM when I was younger). Anyway, it was really weird and wonderful to hear those familiar songs (which I still know by heart) coming from my room while my two children watched, snuggled together as close as they could be, one chewing on my favorite blanket (I know because I just got under the blanket and a corner is wet), and I feel like I was just there a few years ago. It's too fun and too weird all at the same time.

Oh, and did I mention that I have a child growing inside of me? Today was the first day that I could watch my belly and actually see a hand/elbow/foot move across my belly. Donny calls it the "Alien" stage. I have been able to feel him/her for a while and have seen the bumps here and there...but today it was something moving across my insides, and I could see it on the outside. There is a baby growing inside of me. Really? Who left me in charge?

Thankfully, of course, I'm not really in charge...but I do sometimes wonder what God is doing entrusting me with so much. I am thankful for the gifts of our children and the time I have with them. Loose teeth, Disney movies, breakfast for dinner - these are sweet memories we are making...and they bring back some sweet memories of my own childhood. For now, God has given me and Donny charge over our family's little life, and I will embrace the responsibility and will hopefully repent when I begrudge it.

Even though I know I am not ultimately in charge, when I have to make a mommy-sized decision when I feel like a little girl myself, I still have to ask myself : Who left me in charge?

What a gift to be the mommy to these three little ones.

But sometimes moments like losing a tooth can make me ask...

...who left me in charge???
(I'm on the left with my sister)

Homeschooling

Yes, I said it...homeschooling. On August 11, 2010, after nearly two years of prayer and research, I began the journey of homeschooling. Not sure how long this journey is going to last...but it has begun...and I actually like it so far.

For those who care, most of my influence to homeschool came from reading the book The Well Trained Mind. I was also intrigued with some homeschooling families on staff with Campus Crusade in Orlando. They were the first families we had ever seen homeschool, and I really liked what I saw. Their kids were normal, a joy to be around, and their family unit was so tight.

Anyway, I really don't want to take the time explaining myself (which is what I often feel like I need to do). I just want to say...I am glad I am doing it, and I really like it already. I love having the time with Hunter, and I love Millie and Hunter having more time together. I am also looking forward to Hunter being home in February when this new baby blesses our home. I am looking forward to giving him and Millie every opportunity to love on and care for their little brother or sister, and having him home for school will give him that extra time.

It's not easy...but it's not awful either. Actually, there are parts that seem easy and are delightful (like when Hunter reads on his own without being prompted and when he shows proficiency way beyond what I am teaching him), but there are parts that are awful (like doing a math lesson with money and having to sit through the clanging coins while I have a throbbing headache). My patience is tried everyday, but I also cling to the Lord for that patience in a way that is new and so good for my heart and sanctification.

And...I love seeing him (and Millie) learn. He seems to pick up reading really well. I was a decoder as a kid, and I think he has some decoding skills as well. As I am writing, he just came in to ask me a question and read "Blogger" on the top of my computer screen. We haven't talked about the "er" ending yet, but we have talked about all the other rules that form that word...and he just figured out the rest. It's really fun watching him get excited about figuring that stuff out.

So...what do we do? Bible, Math and Reading...that's about it. We're pretty simple around here. We start the day reading Scripture. By reading the same passage over and over, the kids start to learn it. We have been working on Psalm 139 for most of September, and it is so sweet to hear those words everyday as we read of being knit together in my mother's womb and being fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that God is using those verses to teach their hearts about his careful workmanship on them and on their new baby brother or sister. Then we always sing a song or two and pray for our day. No real Bible curriculum...just the Word, song and prayer...and it's a good start for me as well.

Math. We use Saxon Math which was passed on to me by my sister when she did a little homeschooling with her oldest before he entered Kindergarten. I began to use their Kindergarten program last year just to dabble in it with Hunter a little, so we began our year finishing Saxon K. We will finish it up in a few weeks and then move on to Saxon 1.

Reading. Confession: I am not a reader. I haven't read to my kids very much through the years. I only read what I am required for the few seminary classes I have taken/am taking. I don't like to read. BUT...guess what my favorite part of school is? Can you believe it? Reading.

I have "snack time" with them between math and our formal reading lesson. To start the year, I read them "Stuart Little" which showed me immediately that my kids needed to learn the discipline of sitting and just listening to the reading of a good book (without pictures). Once we finished "Stuart Little," I felt indecisive about what book to pick up next (because it is quite a commitment for me...since I don't like to read), so I started on page one of their Jesus Storybook Bible and started reading...and they love it (and so do I). I'll probably go back to a more traditional piece of literature once we finish, but I just love their attentiveness and their requests for more when I read their story Bible to them. Sometimes I feel fanatical about having Bible time and then reading to them from their story Bible later in the morning...but isn't that what school is about anyway? Math, reading, science...it all is about the one true God who made the world and ordered the world and how we learn so that he could reveal himself and his glory to us. That's what I pray with the kids every morning during our prayer time: that as we learn different pieces of information that we would learn about the God who put those things into place.

Back to reading. I am fading now, so I'll finish with highly praising the reading primer I am using. It's The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading, and it is wonderful. Again, no major curriculum...just a very simple, methodical way to teach basic phonics in which the rules build on each other day by day. Millie has done a lot of our reading lessons with us, and she (almost 3 1/2) can recognize all the letters and tell you the primary sound for all the consonants and the short sound of all the vowels. We even do a "spelling bee" at the end of our reading lessons, and I have Millie tell me the first letter of the word and then have Hunter finish the spelling. I don't tell you this to brag on my daughter. I tell you because I have been so impressed with the quality of this book and its methods.

If you know Hunter at all, you know that he loves to make things...especially books. I feel for the kid. His mom (and teacher) neither reads nor does crafts. He has asked me every few days since school began when we are going to do a craft or make something, and my response has been the same every time: "No, not today. Maybe sometime in the future Mommy will plan a craft." It's been 6 weeks or so. No crafts. So there are some definite deficiencies to my home education program. He still makes his books...which has shown me the need to begin a more formal handwriting curriculum. So that is next on my list of things to add to our day.

Ok, I'm done. If you have stuck with me this far, kudos to you. Since school began in August, I just haven't gotten a chance to process my life now as a home educator, so this was helpful for me. For the skeptic, I hope you are intrigued by something (even if you are revolted by other things). For the inquirer, I hope you are inspired to consider it (although I absolutely know it's not for everyone). For anyone else, I don't know why you read this far, but I hope you have gained a little peek into my days. It's nice to feel known, and you are known sometimes by what you spend your time doing...and this fills my mornings. And they are treasured hours...often trying...but always treasured.

First Day of School Smiles.
Our "classroom" is set up in our entryway from our front door to our kitchen.

Hunter during a math lesson on covering a shape in different ways.

A family dinner of green eggs after Hunter read "Green Eggs and Ham."

Dear Little One...

Dear Little One,

We are going to the doctor tomorrow, and we will get to see you for the first time. Since we had an early ultrasound at 5 weeks, we really haven't seen you yet. I am feeling little flutters. Is that you? I am a little nervous about this ultrasound. We have friends right now who are in labor with their little one who will not live long on this side of heaven. Life is so fragile, and I feel like I know that in a different way now compared to when I was pregnant with Hunter and Millie. There are no guarantees of what we will see on that ultrasound tomorrow...but I am still in love with you already. You have been a blessing from the start. An easier first trimester, and a breeze of a second trimester so far. I love you, little one.

We are going to wait to find out if you are a boy or a girl...very unlike me...but something is different about this pregnancy. I just want to wait. I want to cherish these moments of unknowing and waiting and anticipation...because I am so excited about you.

Until we meet face to face, I will be content tomorrow to see what will only be faint glimpses of you...but you nonetheless. I can't wait to see your legs, head, arms...I hope you will be moving a lot. You have been moving around for every appointment we have had so far, because the doctor has had to chase you to get a reading for your heartbeat. Is this a glimpse of what's to come?

Sleep well tonight, my little love. Tomorrow I will see you a little more for who you are...and I look forward to the day we will meet face to face and I will hold you in my arms. For now, I happily carry you and cherish every moment.

Love, Mommy

Can I Go Back, Please?

On Thursday we left for a wonderful long weekend vacation in Naples, FL. Oh, I am still deeply sighing just thinking about it. We drove home today (Monday), and I am already feeling cramped by normal life. Ugh.

I am so thankful for our weekend away. Four glorious nights, three full days...it was bliss. A house to ourselves, cable tv, pool in the back, 10 minute drive to the beach, shopping and eating nearby. Aaaaaahhhhh.

I think the most I did all weekend in terms of cooking was pouring a bowl of cereal. Even Donny did our cereal dishes, so I didn't wash a dish all weekend. All weekend long. No dishes. Bliss. I watched a lot of Food Network, and I actually got Donny to watch The Sound of Music with me on Sunday night. Deep sighs as Fraulein Maria and Captain Von Trapp confess their love. Thank you, TBS.

It's Monday night. It's all over...and I am thankful for the weekend. I do wish I was still laying on my pool float or flipping between HGTV and Food Network. I need to move on, but it had been a long time since the Friederichsen family had a vacation. So thankful.

Hunter has become quite the swimmer this summer.
He and Millie loved having a pool at the house.

We went to the Imaginarium in Fort Myers on Saturday.
Here is my "no fear" Millie holding a tarantula.

Millie also enjoyed the Dinosaur Dig at the Imaginarium.

Sweet kisses for Daddy while we waited on the sunset.

Sweet Siblings waiting on a sunset.
Totally posed, but it's still sweet. :)

Things they say these days that I don't want to forget

Millie: concuber (cucumber), hippomopotamus, Master Yoda (She always calls Yoda "Master Yoda." I think that's so funny.).

When I discipline Millie for disobedience, she has started saying two different things that crack me up. She talks to me about wanting to talk about having an attitude of "ratitude." We learned that from our children's ministry director...about having an attitude of gratitude rather than an attitude of ratitude. I have talked with Millie before about that, but even when discipline has little to do with attitude and more to do with a specific act of disobedience, she mentions (quite dramatically) about having an "attitude of wattitude." It reminds me a little of Elmer Fudd. Also, she mention sometimes about having wisdom...which she has picked up from our family going through Proverbs during family worship. It's just funny to me, because she often brings those things up when they are not the issue we are talking about at all...but I'm glad they are coming to mind...although it's hard not to start laughing when she mentions them so dramatically (as if she just figured something out) right as I am trying to talk with her about her discipline issue.

Hunter: renember (instead of "remember"...Millie does that too, but she has learned it from him), opposed to (instead of "supposed to)

During family worship, we ask the kids a series of questions from the Children's Catechism (really can't praise that learning method enough). Hunter started out answering this question as follows:

Q: Who wrote the Bible?
A: Chosen men who were inspired by the Holy Spirit.
Hunter's Answer: Chosen men who were expired by the Holy Spirit.

Hunter also has this thing with "knuckles." He has learned to bump knuckles as a greeting or a sign of accomplishment (instead of a handshake or high five). Often, during dinner, he'll leap out of his seat, cross his eyes, make a funny face, and say "knuckles" and bump his own knuckles together. It's his funny, goofy side...which we love.

I have also appreciated this week getting some "Mudrs Day" cards from Hunter. He writes a lot, but he writes phonetically (as it sounds to him). I know he'll pick up in the spelling department in the next few years, but it is neat to watch his little mind work as he puts sounds to a page.

Loving our kids. There are some things that I would rather forget about the daily grind of parenting, but there is so much I wish I could hold on to and remember forever.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Sweet Millie

Do you know that Millie's formal name is Amelia? Well, our Amelia Louise turned 3 today. I get emotional with every birthday of my children. I have such fond memories of Millie's birthday that I often remember the very emotions of that day. I am so thankful that God blessed us with our little girl. I love you, Amelia Louise. You are our sweet Millie.

April 20, 2007 around 8:30 a.m. In labor and on our way to the hospital.
Our last picture as a family of three.

I called my sister around 7:30 a.m. to ask her if she thought I was in labor. After talking a little and calling her back a little later, we determined that I was indeed in labor, and she offered to come to get Hunter. Cousins Nathan, Drew, and Daniel came in their pajamas to take Hunter home with them. What would I have done without my sis that day???!!!

At last...our sweet Millie.

A new, proud family of four.

April 20, 2008 - One year old.

Birthday cupcakes at Dunkin Donuts became a Friederichsen family tradition at Millie's first birthday.

April 20, 2009 - Two years old.

April 20, 2010 - Three years old.
Happy 3rd Birthday, sweet Millie. We love you so.

The Ice Cream Truck

Hunter has been interested lately in riding his big boy bike (still with training wheels). He even asked if we could take a walk so that he could ride it around the neighborhood. We have not gotten him out on his bike much, so we wanted to capitalize on his new-found enthusiasm for it.

This afternoon, after Donny got home from school, we put Millie in a stroller and headed down the street for a stroll/bike ride with the kids. As we were walking, we heard the sound of an ice cream truck. There we were, in the middle of our stroll, and I just had to get my kids ice cream.

It was one of those "firsts" that seemed small but meant something to me. I do not often throw logic aside, but this afternoon I did.

It was right before dinner. The ice cream would probably ruin their appetites. Did that matter? No.

Hunter was on his bike, so the ice cream would probably melt on our way home. Did that matter? No.

Millie was in one of my favorite shirts of hers, so there was a high likelihood of drippage. Did that matter? Well, yes, but I just crossed my fingers and let that one go.

The ice cream was more than I typically pay for an entire carton of ice cream...much less two bars that would be gone within minutes. Did that matter? Not at all.

It was our first time getting ice cream from the ice cream truck. A special treat for sure. I know there will be days I will say "no" when they hear that little song luring them outside for treats galore...but today it was fun to say yes and see the delight in their eyes as we let them choose anything from the truck. We came away with a Dora popsicle (the only girl option) and a Sonic popsicle...and four smiling Friederichsens...thankful for a special few moments shared today over dripping ice cream from the ice cream truck.

Once we got home, I covered Millie's favorite shirt with this pirate shirt.

That was a Sonic the Hedghog popsicle.
Now it's mainly two green gumball eyes with some ice cream left around them.

My Little Boy is Growing Up

I have had a few moments over the past week or two when I have thought: "Wow. Hunter is going to be all grown up before I know it."

He began tee ball practice on Monday, March 8th. He loves going to the cul-de-sac with his dad and working on hitting and throwing...standing like a "T" to get the proper position for a good throw. This is Hunter's first organized sport, and I am excited for him to play for the YMCA "Wolves" this spring.

On Sunday, Hunter sat down for some "book time," looked at the book "Ten Apples on Top," and told Donny: "I think I can read this." And so he started. After I put Millie down for her nap, I joined them in Hunter's room. He was reading. We have read some basic phonics books before (you know, like "Pig sat. Dog sat on cat. Cat had a hat."), but the book he was reading was a bit more challenging. My jaw dropped every time he read a word that I just knew I was going to have to help him with...but didn't. Of course, he needed help with some words, but I was just amazed. He read over 30 pages to us. My little boy is growing up.

So here I am...loving being Hunter and Millie's mom...while also having this haunting feeling that they are going to be grown up and gone before I know it. Lord, will you give me eyes to see the big picture that all the mundane tasks of motherhood are leading to the growth and nurture of my children. One day, they will no longer be primarily under our care, so I will cherish today and rejoice over every milestone and jaw dropping moment when I realize: "Oh, they're growing up right before my eyes."

My little boy, now 5 1/2, heading to his first tee ball practice

Hunter and Donny playing baseball on Sunday in our cul-de-sac

Hallelujah, What a Savior

We have recently started having family worship with the kids at night before bedtime. We sit on the floor in the living room, pray, sing a hymn, go through some questions and answers from the Children's Catechism, and then we read and talk about a few verses from the Proverbs. We then close by praying for someone or something. So far, Millie has wanted to pray for lots of toys and characters, so we are working on that. :)

This afternoon, as the kids were playing before naps in Hunter's room, I overheard two little voices singing: "Hallelujah, what a Savior, Hallelujah, what a friend. Saving, helping, keeping, loving. He is with me to the end." That's the refrain from "Jesus, What a Friend for Sinners" which is the hymn we have been singing in family worship. Those were sweet words and sweet sounds to hear from my kids today. My prayer is that those words and the things they learn about our Savior in family worship, worship at church, and in day to day life will grip their hearts. My prayer is that those things would grip my heart as well. Thanks, kids. I needed those words today. And thank you, Lord, for putting your praise in the hearts and mouths of my children...to lead their mommy back to you this afternoon.

Creativity in my House

Everyday I am amazed with the level of creativity and ingenuity that comes out of my household. There is rarely a day that passes when I am not in awe of something that Hunter has made or that the kids pretend or that Donny can do. I really do look forward to seeing what will come from their minds , hands, and mouths each day.

Hunter lately has been showing a sweet interest in creating things for others. Yesterday, Millie and I went shopping for a birthday present for a party we attended today. When Hunter saw what we got Millie's friend, he decided to make one for Millie so that she would not be sad that she did not have one. Here's what he made...


Can you guess what the birthday present was? Cinderella's carriage with Cinderella and the Prince, the Fairy Godmother, and a horse. Hunter asked me to help him attach it to one of his cars so that the carriage could go. So it's attached to a Hummer. We want Cinderella to have a sweet ride, right?

We play lots of pretend around our house. Anyone know who these adorable misfits are?

Robin Hood and Maid Marian, of course. Really, they are as adorable as the picture seems. I love when they dress up and play pretend together.

Last, but certainly not least, can anyone guess who this is?


Last week we lost Obi Wan Kenobi's head at the park. Last April, Cinderella's head fell off her body from Millie's 2nd birthday cake. Guess what my funny hubby did? He and Millie worked in the office tonight on this little gem. Yep, that's Cinderella's head on Obi Wan's body. Millie now calls him/her "Obi Wan Kenobi Cinderella." And why not? What else are we going to call her?

Funny times in the Friederichsen household. Looking forward to what tomorrow will bring...

Dreams Don't Come True

Something funny happened in our car last Sunday night that I had to write about.

Our whole family was driving to get some pizza before the Super Bowl. Hunter and Millie were in the back seat talking. I don't know how the conversation started, but here's how it went;

Hunter: "Dreams don't come true."
Millie: "Yes, dreams do come true."

Hunter: "Ok, where would you like to go? Make a wish."
Millie: "The kingdom."

Hunter: "Ok, wish you were in the kingdom. Now close your eyes and count to three. One, two, three. Ok, now open your eyes. See? You're not in the kingdom. Dreams don't come true."

I guess Hunter is the realist in family. It was hilarious and sad all at the same time. I've never actually heard anyone verbalize that before (much less my five year old son). A funny car trip on Super Bowl Sunday.

A Memorable Day at Disney

I don't know what was different about today...but I still get emotional thinking about it. We took a family day to Disney. Our passes expire on Dec. 15, so I am beginning the mourning process already.

We started the morning at Hollywood Studios and got to ride Toy Story Mania (Donny and my favorite) twice! I even beat Donny (for the first time ever) scoring my all-time high of 194,200. After Hollywood Studios, we headed to Magic Kingdom. I wanted to see a few afternoon shows, so we decided to skip naps and stay most of the day.

We got lots of character pics that I had been wanting...Minnie, Tigger and Eeyore, and Peter Pan and Wendy. We even got to see Tiana, the new Disney princess. She is gorgeous. I love her gown. We also took some Christmas photos for the Christmas card this year, so it was a full day.

The moment that was so moving came during a parade that we have seen numerous times. In the Magic Kingdom, they do a parade called "Move It, Shake It, Celebrate It Street Party." The parade goes down Main Street and stops in front of the castle. It is a favorite for my kids...especially Millie. The special thing about this parade is that the characters get in the streets and let the kids dance with them. And Millie LOVES to dance with them. She has no fear and tries to follow every move just right. Today she had on tennis shoes and a little dress, and I felt like I was watching a miniature version of her (at 2 1/2) for when she is 15 and trying out for cheerleading (yikes!).

We always stand where Woody and Jessie (from Toy Story) stop so that Millie can dance with Jessie. Like I said, we have done this a lot...three times in the last month...and today I truly wondered if Jessie recognized Millie. Jessie seemed to give Millie such special treatment. I know it's Disney, and everything feels special...but I know Disney fairly well...and this was different. Every time the characters went to dance with the kids, Jessie grabbed Millie's hand. Jessie even knelt down for me to snap a pic with her and Millie...and they never do that in the parade. Millie got to walk along the street holding Jessie's hand. Then, as Jessie was getting back on her float when the show was over, she kept "eye contact" (as much as you can with a big plastic face) with Millie the whole time...waving straight at her and blowing her kisses. The parade even makes a loop around the castle courtyard, and when she came back around, Jessie still honed in on Millie. As the characters were leaving, I mouthed the words "Thank You" to Jessie, and she nodded. I knew we had just shared something special in the gift of time and attention that she gave to Millie...and to me.

I don't know what it was exactly, but I got so choked up seeing my little girl getting such star attention from one of the characters...one of her favorite characters. I almost felt bad for the other kids who wanted to dance with Jessie, because Jessie kept going back to Millie. It was just one of those special times when you get singled out and are made to feel more special than you would ever dream.

Even though it was Millie getting all the attention, I felt so special through her. There is something about being chosen. There is something about being picked out and given special attention. I know Millie will probably forget this experience...but I'm sure I won't. Maybe it's just been a while since I've felt so special like that...but I know that's how God sees me. In the crowds of people, my God knows my name and wants me to know him. Disney does hold a special place in my heart...probably too special sometimes...but today, God used that place and Millie's experience to show me something of himself. As my heart leapt over my daughter being given a second glance by some college-aged girl dressed up as a fictional cowgirl in plastic and polyester, I pray my heart will leap knowing my God has chosen me...and calls me his.

It was a special day in a lot of ways...fun characters, our favorite rides...we even ran into a friend from church there. As a Disney fanatic, I would definitely say it was magical...but it ran a little deeper than that today. Can't believe I'm writing this...but the tender care from a character to my Millie in the midst of the spectacle of all things Disney reminded me today of the tender care and love of my Heavenly Father...who thinks I am so special and uniquely his. We have been talking with Hunter lately about heaven. He asks about it quite a bit. I look forward to taking the hand of my heavenly father one day in heaven and dancing in the streets in a way that I can't even imagine...a small glimpse of that today was found on the streets of the Magic Kingdom...and I am forever thankful.

Millie, you are my special little girl. My princess...my spunky little dancing machine. Today it thrilled your mommy's heart to see you dance with Jessie and to have her give you so much attention and treat you in such a special way...as if you girls are best friends. My prayer is that you will always feel loved and special by your mommy, daddy, and brother...and that one day you will be thrilled to know you are special to God. You are. Even more special than the experience of a wonderful day at Disney is the experience of an eternity with God...who loves you more than we can possibly know or experience. For now, I pray my love will be a small taste of the love of God in your life...and that you will come to know his love as you grow into a lovely little lady and young woman. I love you, sweetheart.

Minnie and the girls at Hollywood Studios

Getting ready for Toy Story Mania

Family pic after Toy Story Mania...where everything is larger than life!

Family shot with Donald...but Daddy is still our favorite Donald!!!

Peter Pan and Wendy...a favorite of our kids.
We have never seen them before in the park.

Jessie waving good-bye to Millie after the parade.

Family Fun at Epcot

Donny has "reading week" this week which means that his classes don't meet...but his workload is HUGE right now. Thankfully, we were able to set some family time aside yesterday to take a little trip to Epcot. Our Disney passes have two months left until they expire. The heat is just about to die down (hopefully) here in Orlando, so I am hoping to make the most of the passes over the next two months.

A highlight of our day was getting Millie on Soarin for the first time. It has a height requirement that, with a carefully placed, really big bow, she met (or at least we say she did...no one ever asked). It was fun for all of us to do that together, and Millie loved it.

I have a list of characters that I would like to get pictures with before our passes run out, so I was hoping to find Mary Poppins in the United Kingdom for a photo opportunity with the kids. Mary Poppins wasn't going to appear for a while, so we decided to go find Belle. On our way to find Belle, we saw Sleeping Beauty walking to her picture post in France. We were "those people" who totally stalked her. Once we got close, she started talking to Millie. Donny pulled her out of the stroller, and Sleeping Beauty took Millie's hand, and they walked and talked on the way to where Sleeping Beauty does her pictures. When Sleeping Beauty crouched down to get on Millie's level, Millie said: "I like your crown." Too cute. Sleeping Beauty let her touch the crown and kept on talking with her. I mean, it felt like Millie got this special one-on-one time with her...it was too cute. Millie just acted like they were the best of friends. So sweet. I kept saying thank you to Sleeping Beauty, because I felt so blessed that Millie (and Mommy) got to have such a fun, unexpected princess experience.

Soarin for the first time as a family of four. So fun.

Getting ready to "soar" over California on Soarin'.

We thought we would get our first family ride on Test Track...but they measured Millie really closely, and we got denied. Oh well.

Hunter and I rode Mission Space. It was Hunter's first time and so fun since he is learning about space travel this week at pre-school. I think riding this made up for the fact we skipped school to go to Epcot, right?

Millie took some cute pictures with Belle, but then Millie started making silly faces for the pictures. I loved that Belle joined her in the silliness.

Princess Millie's stroll through France with Sleeping Beauty

Millie's new best friend...what a treat!

Back into the blogging world

Yes, yes, I know...it's been a long time. So let me catch you up on our summer, and we'll just go from there.

We started our summer at the end of May when we were all part of Donny's sister's wedding.
Hunter and Millie made an adorable ring bearer and flower girl.

Then we went to Tennessee to intern at Camp Vesper Point. Yee-Haw, Cowboy!

We enjoyed lots of time with my sister, Jennifer, and her family.
The kids LOVED having so much time with their cousins.

On July 20, we were able to be there to welcome our newest nephew/cousin, Micah, into the world.

We are in the full swing of a new school year. Lots of changes this year including Pre-K for Hunter, and Donny is assisting teaching Greek at the seminary as a TA. I am even getting to take a class this semester on the book of Jonah. I will update more when I can.