One Month Old

One month ago tonight...just a few minutes old.

Our Will...one month old.

It's 5:20 p.m. Will is sitting here in my lap awake really for the first time all day (except for eating...he always wakes up to eat). I can't believe it's been a month. I don't know what he's looking at, but he is staring at something to his right just sucking away on his orange paci from the hospital. He loves that thing. He's wearing a rockstar guitar outfit courtesy of Aunt Jenn and cousin Micah. It's one of my faves so far. Hiccups abound. Life is normal....a new normal but gloriously normal.

This past month has been one of the strangest, hardest, and most wonderful of my life. In a way, Will's first 2 1/2 weeks feel like a dream or movie that didn't really happen to me. I remember things quite vividly but also as if I was watching it happen to me rather than experiencing it myself. Here's a little of the story from my perspective...

Sunday morning, January 2...definitely didn't feel great. We spent Friday night the 31st at our friends the Nolls' house for New Year's Eve. We stayed much later than I had planned because we were having such a good time...laughed a lot. Saturday morning, Jan. 1 we went shopping as a family. We bought the one thing I said I needed for the baby: a changing pad. It's the only necessity that we didn't have before the baby was to come. Saturday afternoon/early evening we went to Sea World to see a few Christmas shows before they ended. Needless to say, it was a really full weekend. That Sunday morning, something had changed. I told Donny that I felt like I was carrying the baby differently. Something was different. Little did I know...

I went to church. Feeling the way I did, I would have normally stayed at home to rest, but I did not have to sing in choir, and Donny did not have to assist in worship, so we got to sit together as a family, and I was not going to miss that opportunity (sorry for the crazy long sentence). I was tired, sore, and just feeling weird. Couldn't quite put my finger on it. I would have said for sure I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Little did I know...

The minute we got home from church, I asked Donny to do lunch for the kids. I went back to our bedroom to sit in our recliner. And it began...the all too familiar surges of pain I felt with Millie. With Millie, I had to call my sister to ask if I was in labor (because I didn't go into labor on my own with Hunter, so I wasn't sure). This time I knew what those pains probably were. Sitting in the chair, the pain came with some frequency...but certainly it wasn't labor (I thought). I laid down on my bed to see if a change in position would help alleviate the pain. Not so much. I finally called my doctor (who was on call, thankfully). I had just seen her on Friday for an appointment. When I found out she was on call for New Year's weekend, I told her that I hoped she would have an uneventful weekend on call. Little did I know...

I told my doctor I was having menstrual-like surges of pain every 2-3 minutes. My doctor told me to drink a lot of water and give the pain an hour to subside. If it did not stop, she told us to come in to labor and delivery. Funny thing...I was planning on going to the hospital the next week to tour the labor and delivery and baby hall. So we had to look up the hospital and call and ask where labor and delivery were.

The whole way there, I was preparing myself to be humiliated as one who showed up thinking she was in labor when in fact it was gas or something else. The pain wasn't really increasing, but it wasn't going away either. When we got to labor and delivery, they hooked me up to some machines and confirmed that I was indeed contracting. My heart sank, and I tried not to panic. I was 34 weeks and 6 days...and that just felt a little too early. I would have been fine with it in a couple of weeks...but this felt too early. The nurses said the doctor wanted to try to stop my labor by giving me some tributelene (sp?). Well, my heart sank again. When I went into labor with Millie, they gave me tributelene to try to slow my labor, and it did not make a dent in my labor with her...so I wondered if my body would respond (or not respond) the same way. And it did (or didn't). Two or three doses later, my labor was not slowing, and I was continuing to steadily dilate. We were admitted around 3:15 p.m. in the afternoon. By 6:00 or so, the nurses were preparing us that we might be having our baby that night.

As I prepared to give birth and face whatever having a 34 week and 6 day baby would mean, I needed to see my kids. Thankfully, our dear friend Staci had taken the kids to her house. Really, I could not have gotten through this without her and her help. I had Donny call Staci and ask her to bring the kids. It meant so much to get that last "family of four" picture and to be able to tell the kids ourselves that their baby brother or sister was on his/her way. It was so important for me to hug them and be with them one last time before the baby came.

Around 7:30 p.m., my doctor came in to confirm that we would be having the baby tonight. Lots of deep breaths. Lots of arrow prayers just asking for the safe arrival of our little one. The preparations began and in less than an hour I was in an operating room getting ready for a c-section. Donny isn't allowed in the operating room while I am getting my spinal, so he stayed back to put on his operating room gear...and apparently to eat a bite, because Bud had just arrived with dinner for Donny as I was going into the operating room. My doctor was ready to get started, and Donny had not come in the OR yet. It was the most panicked I felt all day. Turns out Donny, Bud, and his son Grey were praying together before the surgery. I'm all for praying, mind you, but man did they cut it close.

Donny arrived. He made it. I really was unsure. Oh, and did I mention he had the camera? I'm not sure what/who I wanted there more - Donny or the camera. It was Donny, of course, but I really wanted my camera there too. My relief was so great. And there we were...ready for the birth of our child. Oh yeah, and we get to find out if he is a boy or a girl. Just a little detail that kinda got lost in the midst of the other unknown factors of the day.

The surgery was great (as good as surgery can be). My best c-section of the three. No pain or discomfort. No nausea. The drape was higher than the one in Lexington. When I had Hunter and Millie I could see my doctor, but I couldn't see Dr. Moore this time. That was ok...just different. She talked to me throughout...and then he came...a boy. Our son. He cried. Loud. It's the same cry he still cries today. I know his cry will change over time, but I am thankful for that newborn cry still. There was so much that was scary and unknown. His cry was relieving, so I cherish it.

My head was spinning...a boy. Was he healthy? What was happening to him? Was Donny getting enough pictures? 7lbs., 60z. Yep, we make 'em big. Can you imagine how big he would have been if I was still carrying him (considering I'm not due until next Monday)?

I got to hold him for a little while on the operating table. They actually let me hold him. I don't remember getting to hold Hunter and Millie. I just remember Donny holding them up to me. But I got to hold this little one. And I held his cheek close to mine for as long as they would let me. I wanted to feel his warm skin and hear/feel him breathing against my own cheek. He was here. I couldn't believe it...and in some ways I still can't.

He was here. He is here. Happy one month my sweet Will. I will process more of this journey as I am able. I am just so happy he is here. The time following his birth was so difficult, but it has made these days now so sweet.

One month. Not taking a day for granted. Praying for many, many more...