It's time to go get Kena. Although he doesn't know it, he is spending his final few hours in the care of an orphanage. In a matter of hours, he will be in my arms forever. I am still a stranger to him, but the fight begins. The fight for his heart. The fight for our bond. He doesn't know me, and I don't really know him. I have spent maybe six hours total with him over the span of three days. What size clothes does he really wear? I fear the clothes I brought will swallow him. What food will he eat? Hopefully Cheerios, applesauce, animals crackers and puffs...because that's what mama brought.
I have so many questions:
Will you sleep? Will you play? When will I see your smile? How will you do outside of the orphanage in the specific, loving arms of your mama? Although the institutional setting of a orphanage is not ideal, it's what you know. How will you face your new normal? I will hold you while you grieve this loss of the life you have always known. I will try not to take it personally when my love and affection is not sufficient to help your hurting heart. Only God can soothe and heal the loss you will endure. Adoption is beautiful, but adoption is born out of pain and loss. Be brave, little one. When my and Daddy's love is not enough, we will trust that the Lord will be sufficient for you (and us) in all of our many weaknesses.
Mama is coming, little one. Only the Lord is fully ready to make this happen, because he is the author of our stories. Lord, be near and hold us up when our hearts don't know what we need. We were made for this day. So here I come.