It is the eve of Mother's Day 2016. The past few days have been full of new thoughts processing this idea that I am about to celebrate Mother's Day as Kena's mom. I will not record all of my thoughts here. They are too raw and, honestly, too much to share on a public blog.
We watched The Good Dinosaur last night. One of the final scenes is of the little boy going from his dinosaur friend to live with a new human family who would adopt him. He doesn't look like the family, but they will be his. I wondered where that little boy came from and who is missing now that he is walking into this new family. And I felt...sad.
It is a great privilege to be Kena's mom, but I have been struck this week by the loss that comes with the fact that I am his mom. He is not ours by birth. There is family on the other side of the world who he is not with right now. There are connections that have been broken. He has said good-bye to so much. He has lost so very much.
Has he gained so much? Yes. He is our son. He has gained a second family, a covenant family, a family chosen by God to be his forever. He has brothers and a sister who love him immensely. God has given grace upon grace to bring him into our family - to make him a Friederichsen. Grace for him and grace for us. We are one - The Friederichsen Family of Six. That will NEVER change for him.
But there is loss and there is love on the other side of the world that was his for a time. On this eve of Mother's Day, my heart is so torn. I guess it always will be. I will love him fiercely, for he will need a fierce love to endure the reality of his first pain at such an early age. My love won't be enough. Lord, hold my baby's heart when I don't know what to say or when my love isn't enough. Your never giving up, always pursuing, and forever faithful love to your children is more than enough, so I will trust YOU to hold his heart when it feels torn in two.
So there are my thoughts on the eve of this first Mother's Day as Kena's mom. Not as flowery and "raindrops on roses" as you might think...but he is, by far, one of my favorite things. I have been given a trust with this darling boy. Lord, may I guard the trust well and walk into his and our pain and redemption and watch You continue to give beauty from ashes as only You can do.
We watched The Good Dinosaur last night. One of the final scenes is of the little boy going from his dinosaur friend to live with a new human family who would adopt him. He doesn't look like the family, but they will be his. I wondered where that little boy came from and who is missing now that he is walking into this new family. And I felt...sad.
It is a great privilege to be Kena's mom, but I have been struck this week by the loss that comes with the fact that I am his mom. He is not ours by birth. There is family on the other side of the world who he is not with right now. There are connections that have been broken. He has said good-bye to so much. He has lost so very much.
Has he gained so much? Yes. He is our son. He has gained a second family, a covenant family, a family chosen by God to be his forever. He has brothers and a sister who love him immensely. God has given grace upon grace to bring him into our family - to make him a Friederichsen. Grace for him and grace for us. We are one - The Friederichsen Family of Six. That will NEVER change for him.
But there is loss and there is love on the other side of the world that was his for a time. On this eve of Mother's Day, my heart is so torn. I guess it always will be. I will love him fiercely, for he will need a fierce love to endure the reality of his first pain at such an early age. My love won't be enough. Lord, hold my baby's heart when I don't know what to say or when my love isn't enough. Your never giving up, always pursuing, and forever faithful love to your children is more than enough, so I will trust YOU to hold his heart when it feels torn in two.
So there are my thoughts on the eve of this first Mother's Day as Kena's mom. Not as flowery and "raindrops on roses" as you might think...but he is, by far, one of my favorite things. I have been given a trust with this darling boy. Lord, may I guard the trust well and walk into his and our pain and redemption and watch You continue to give beauty from ashes as only You can do.
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