Fly, Baby, Fly!

I asked Donny this morning if I could go away once he got home from work to just get some time out of the house. I planned on doing a little family finances and then either journaling or blogging about my sad and anxious heart waiting on our dossier to finish up in DC and finally get on its way to Ethiopia...and not knowing where in the world it was in the process. As I was referencing our credit card account for some things I was working on tonight, I saw a charge by FedEx. When I went to our Fed Ex account, I saw a new tracking number. I thought: "Great! Our dossier is finished up in DC and is headed back to our agency offices in Utah. What a relief!" When I looked more closely at the tracking reference, it said: Destination: Addis Ababa.  WHAT???!!! Not only is our dossier finished in DC, it's already back to Utah and on its way to ETHIOPIA! Can't believe it.

It's amazing...and revealing. I have been so sulky and sad for the past week just waiting on this packet of paper to head to Ethiopia. There have been some other factors that have added to my fog, but it's incredible how light my heart feels right now knowing that our envelope of "Whatever it takes to bring you home" papers only has one more trip to take...and it's finally on that final trip. If there was ever a woman living by her circumstances, look no further. It's me. Right here. Sitting in Starbucks watching people arrive at the Summit train station from a long day of work in the city, and I just want to run out there and yell: "My dossier is on its way to Ethiopia!!!!" Oh, if you had known the state of my heart a few hours ago. Sad. Sad. Sad.

Mind you, nothing in my circumstances changed today. The dossier was already back in Utah. It was being sent to Ethiopia today. We weren't having any problems with this stage of the process. All was going smoothly. I just didn't know, and it was making me crazy. This is just the beginning of the "not knowing" process. We have a long wait ahead of us to be matched with the child God has chosen for our family. May I rest, PLEASE LORD may I rest in the knowledge of your faithfulness, sovereignty, and goodness in this process when I don't know the details.

Yesterday I was challenged by Spurgeon's Morning and Evening devotion (Allister Begg edition):
I am the one who helps you, declares the LORD. (Isaiah 41:14)

It is but a small thing for Me, your God, to help you...If you had need of a thousand times as much help, I would give it to you; you require little compared with what I am ready to give. It is much for you to need, but it is nothing for me to bestow.

It was a really, really good reading. 

I thank the Lord my helper who gives more than I think I want or need. I just wanted info about our dossier leaving DC...and he gave me more. I pray I will trust the Lord my helper as he does exactly what he wants and leads us exactly how he pleases through this process. It will be for my good and for his glory. May I rest, please rest, in him.