Our Adoption Process Thus Far

Once Donny and I decided it was time for our family to pursue an international adoption, we spent the next month making two decisions: 

1. What country?

2. What agency?

After much prayer, seeking advice, and just trusting our gut with a few things, we decided to adopt from Ethiopia with Lifeline Children's Services. On July 11, 2012, we sent in our application to Lifeline. 

As a fun aside - On July 12, 2012 (the day after we sent in our application), Asher Noll came home from Ethiopia to his family, our good friends, the Nolls. Although we were in New Jersey and Asher was coming home to Florida, I rejoiced in a new way with them as we celebrated but also longed for the day when a homecoming from Ethiopia would be part of our family's story too.

When we applied, Lifeline was saying that the current wait time for applicants was 15-18 months to complete an adoption. After being in the process just a few months, we quickly learned that we will be waiting much longer. Our agency had a boom of applicants in 2012, and with that will come a longer wait than initially anticipated. We still clearly feel the Lord led us to Lifeline, but we anticipate the wait to be much, much longer. As I was freaking out about the length of the wait, Donny shared perspective that will forever change how I view adoption: I cannot approach this as a consumer. I am not purchasing a product or weighing the pros and cons of a car purchase. God has called us to adoption. We are following that call, and we need to trust the Lord to lead us to our child in his perfect timing and in his perfect way. Where he leads me, I will follow. I'll go with him, with him all the way.

Since Lifeline does not have an agency office in New Jersey, we began the process of finding a home study agent licensed in our state. You know, where a social worker has to examine your history, your family, your biology, your money, your home, and much more to determine if you can be a parent. I still think that's funny. I am all for thorough processes to protect children. Truly, I am...but I think it's funny that we had to go through a three month, $1700+ process for New Jersey to determine if we were suitable parents. 

On October 5, we told Hunter, Millie and Will that we were adopting from Ethiopia. While I can't remember all of the details, there was much excitement. Millie wants a girl and her first question was where the new child will sleep. Since we moved to New Jersey, she and Hunter are no longer sharing a room. She misses sharing a room, so she is dreaming of a sister with whom she can share a room. Since we have had a few friends adopt recently, our kids were excited and felt (as we do) that this is a natural thing. We celebrated the news with frozen yogurt.

Fun at Strawberry Fields celebrating the news of the newest Friederichsen on the way!

One thing I did not anticipate was their questions about how old the child would be. We are approved for a child from birth to six years old. It's a wide age range, and we kept it wide to keep our options open. We don't feel led to a certain age, so who knows what God has in store? We have made the choice of birth - 6 years to account for the fact that by the time we bring a child home, Millie would already be 6. There are a few opinions in adoption land about whether to disrupt our children's birth order with the age of an adopted child. Some agencies won't let you adopt out of birth order. Our agency leaves the decision up to the families, and we decided that we would like to leave Hunter and Millie as number 1 and 2 in birth order, but we do not mind having a disruption between Millie and Will. We also don't mind having a child close in age to Millie. So we are approved for a boy or girl ages birth to 6. That wide of a range left for some interesting conversations with Hunter and Millie, because it's hard enough to wonder if you are having a boy or girl. Now we wonder if we will have a baby, toddler, or big kid. Only the Lord knows, but it has been fun dreaming through each scenario with the kids.

We had to wait for a looooong time to begin our home study meetings. We applied with the home study agency on July 23 and didn't have our first meeting until September 20. Thankfully once the home study meetings began, our home study was completed in just over a month. We were certainly glad to get a big part of the adoption paperwork finished.

On October 24, we sent in our home study to the United States Child and Immigration Services (USCIS) to apply for, as we have told the kids, "the US government to say that we can adopt a kid." We have to get a letter with that approval before we can send our paperwork to Ethiopia and officially be a "waiting family" with our agency. USCIS is currently running a 45 day wait for that approval. We sent in our application on October 24 and have already been fingerprinted for it (ahead of schedule...thank you, Lord!!!). Our dossier of oodles and oodles of signed and notarized documents is in the hands of our agency in Louisville. We are missing three things at this point: a letter from our bank (which is in the mail to Louisville), Donny's birth certificate (which is in the mail to Louisville) and our USCIS approval letter (Who knows??? Hopefully will come soon). Once all of those documents land in Louisville, they will send our dossier of paperwork on a 4 week trek to Ethiopia. Once it arrives, we begin the wait to be matched with our child. We are hoping to receive our USCIS approval very, very soon. Considering we sent it in on October 24 and today is Nov. 19, I hope we will crush the 45 day estimated wait for the approval letter. I'm sure I'll let you know. :)

That's where we are. That's the long and short of it. Long to you but just a drop in the bucket to me. The Lord has been so good to sustain us in this process so far, and we trust him to do so throughout as we wait for our child. 

The contents of our dossier - a.k.a. the first thing I thought of protecting when Hurricane Sandy was coming. 

Up until the hurricane, I had most of our papers lying freely on a table waiting for me to put them in a safer place. Once the storm was on its way, all my papers went into individual plastic page protectors and then in a notebook placed in a plastic bin. Nothing was going to destroy our dossier. :)

November 14, 2012 - The day I let all the papers go.

We sent our dossier of paperwork to our agency in Louisville before leaving for Thanksgiving vacation. Sending off all of those papers was one of the hardest and most exhilarating things I have done. Soooo glad to almost be done with this part of the paper trail.

Now we wait (big shocker). Next step, USCIS approval and then waiting for our dossier to arrive in Ethiopia.

Everyday a little closer to our little one...

All I Want for Christmas...

One thing on my Christmas list this year. Only one thing:

For our dosser to land in Ethiopia

Yep, you read it. Dossier. Ethiopia. 

We. Are. Adopting.

And we couldn't be more excited. 

The Lord put adoption in Donny's heart early in our marriage. He mentioned it periodically. Enough to keep it in my mind but not too often to overwhelm me. And along I came. During our transition from seminary to our church in New Jersey, I had this feeling that our family was not fully complete, but I didn't feel the strong need/desire to have any more biological children. Thus the Lord kindly aligned my desire with my husband's and in June of this year, we sat down and decided to adopt internationally. Over chinese food. In our dining room. 

Nothing too magical happened. No smoke and lights or shooting stars from the sky. I will say that the Lord greatly used this article from a woman name Jen Hatmaker (who I seldom read but hear is great) as the tipping point for me. On June 5, 2012, after reading that blog post, I sent Donny a message on Facebook while he was at work that read:

I'm a little hormonal this morning, but I think we need to adopt.

We decided to go out on June 8 for a date to discuss things further. Our babysitters cancelled last minute, so we ordered Chinese in. As we started talking, Donny told me that if he had responded to my facebook post right away, he would have written: "OK," but he thought that might be a little too abrupt. I love that the Lord gave us such oneness at the right time. There was nothing to discuss in terms of the actual decision. The Lord was clearly leading us on a path to adopt, and we were ready to follow.

This pretty well sums up how I feel right now...

More to come...

A Note to My 16 Month Old

Word of caution: This blog post is about nursing/breastfeeding. Consider yourself warned.

Dearest Will,

You are 16 months old today. I just nursed you for what I believe is the last time. Something strangely emotional about letting this part of your babyhood go. Both you and I had to work really hard to be able to nurse at all…but we did it. By God’s sweet grace, we did it. So tonight feels like a real milestone to me. Not only was I able to nurse you against the odds, I nursed you to 16 months. I know there are a lot of reasons why we have such a strong bond, but I know my fight to breastfeed you is one of them. I treasure our bond.  I will surely pay for it in some ways (like you not EVER wanting to go into the nursery at church or the YMCA), but it is so worth it. 

You’re not walking yet, but you will soon. I finally got your hair cut. You are moving on from the baby days. It makes me sad but also excited to see what toddlerhood has for you and for us and for our family.

Will, you are a delight to your Mommy, and I treasure my soon-to-be but not-ready-to-admit-it-yet big boy. I will miss the baby days. They were so sweet. BUT…I will not remain there or be overly sad that they are over. I will be greatly thankful and overflowing with joy that they happened (my adaptation of a Seuss quote), and I look forward to whatever is next.

Lord, thank you that I could breastfeed this baby. I never thought I would want something like that so much (or hold onto it for so long after his first year), but it was truly such a gift. Thank you, oh, thank you.

 The early days with Will

With his new haircut. Such a big boy!

Mommy loves you, sweet one.

A Day for the Girls

 Millie asked me last week if we could have a girl date with me, her, and my mom. Today we dressed up, got all fancy, and met my sister for a girl date at the English Rose Tea Room in downtown Chattanooga. It was such a sweet lunch. Millie went right for making her own cup of tea. Lots of cream and sugar. She drank 4 cups (which also means lots of caffeine) during the course of the meal. She ate finger sandwiches of ham and cheese, cucumber and cream cheese, and cucumber and salmon. While she didn't care for the cucumber and salmon, I was impressed that she tried everything and liked the other cucumber sandwiches. She enjoyed being in charge of stirring the homemade vinaigrette. We topped off the lunch with a piece of chocolate cake with whipped cream and strawberries.


It was one of those days when Millie had the freedom to make lots of choices and try new things, and it was such a treasure to see her in a new way. I saw glimpses of the future woman my daughter will be as she sipped her tea and held her tea cup every so daintily. I told my mom that I think she sensed that she was with the adults and did not want to miss a beat, so she stepped up and entered this big-girl world for a little while. And I loved entering her world where sipping out of a pretty cup was such a delight and eating rich, fancy foods with dear sisters and family was savored. Thank you, Lord, for such a fun, special day with my daughter.

 With Mimi waiting on Aunt Jenn to arrive

 Sipping from her little girl sized "Princess"cup

Aunt Jenn was by far Millie's favorite guest on our date

 

 Three generations - Of 7 grandchildren on the Burger side, 

Millie is the only girl in the lot

Ah, the privilege of being this girl's Mommy.

William Oliver - Happy 1st Birthday

 William Oliver - One Year Old

We celebrated Will's first birthday today. Honestly, I spent most of the day soaking up his sweet smiles and wonderful cuddles. One year ago tonight, he came unexpectedly, we nuzzled cheek to cheek, and then he was swooped away to the NICU. I have spent the last year soaking up all I could with this sweet boy. I took nothing with him for granted this year. We struggled through much, and the joy of my relationship with him is immeasurable. His sweet lovin' today warmed this mama's heart.

I have spent so much of this last year on this blog writing about my year with him. Here is my post recounting the events of January 2, 2011.

Will, 2011 has been crazy, but I think the Lord gave you to me as he did to show me a new love and how to love you and others during the chaos. You have been such an encouragement to me. Everyone loves your smiles and your sweet disposition. I love holding you in your favorite spot - perched on my left hip (much like your big sister), left thumb in your mouth, nuzzling your head into my shoulder (and most likely smiling coyly at whoever is around). The relationships I have with you and your siblings are so special. Our relationship is marked by a strong commitment and a true tenderness. We had to fight for a lot this year, but we are as close as can be. I love you, my sweet baby Will.

 I ordered a cake for Will that was very similar to Millie's first cake. 

I love that Wal-Mart gives a little cake for him to dig into.

 All the cousins came to eat pizza and cake to celebrate Will's birthday.

 

 Snuggling with Ddad and Mimi

 Aunt Jenn and Will

 Love, love, love how the Lord has blessed us with such fun children.

 

Time for CAKE!!!

 I thought this was so funny. I guess he was making his birthday wish.

 Hmmmm....wonder what this tastes like.

I like it!!!

 Looking like he might go into sugar shock

 Very sad when Mommy and Daddy took the cake away.

 

 After cake, Will had plenty of help opening his presents

 

Millie drew two pictures for Will and then "helped" him open them.

 

Happy 1st Birthday, Will.

Mommy and Daddy love you so much.

What I Didn't Know

Our family went to Wal-Mart tonight to order Will's cake for his first birthday...which is on Monday. My dear, sweet, lovable, kissable, snuggable, "love him so much I could just hold and squeeze him forever" Will turns one on Monday. I don't think the beginning of a new year will ever feel the same since having my almost New Year's baby in 2011.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I didn't know this time last year. One year ago, on December 30, 2010, I was 34 1/2 weeks pregnant - a looooong 5 1/2 weeks from my due date with Will. Or so I thought. We had just celebrated a wonderful Christmas in Orlando. Since I was 33-34 weeks along in my pregnancy, we decided not to travel for the holidays. I was able to sing at the Christmas Eve service at our church. We had a sweet Christmas morning in our own home and got together with Donny's family later on Christmas day. We had received Sea World passes for Christmas, so we took the kids on Dec. 27 so that we could at least get a Sea World day in before the baby came. We put away our Christmas decorations soon after Christmas, and I was beginning to prepare for Donny to take the kids to Chattanooga for a week (without me) while he took a seminary class in Atlanta from January 3-7.

2011 was on it's way. I thought the only thing I didn't know was the gender of my soon-coming baby. How wrong I was. There was so much I didn't know.

I had no idea that January 2 would bring unexpected labor pains after church followed by the birth of Will that evening at 34 weeks and 6 days. I had no idea our son would be born and would spend 17 days in the NICU learning to breathe and fighting a virus. I had no idea where the labor and delivery floor was when we arrived, because I was going to visit the hospital the next week while Donny and the kids were out of town. I had no idea that Winter Park Hospital had a boarding option that is free for parents who had children in the NICU, and I had no idea I would need to use that service.

I had no idea how my church and friends in Orlando would rally around us.

I had no idea Donny wouldn't be able to take his class in Atlanta, thus adding 3 more hours to a very full final semester in seminary.

I didn't know that we would spend our 9th anniversary eating sandwiches from Publix in a hospital room.

I didn't know how much I would love carrying Will in my Moby after he came home. It's like I wanted any time I could get to hold him close since we were so separated in the NICU. I also had no idea that he would sleep in the Moby during choir rehearsal. While I sang. Loudly. I guess he got used to it in the womb.

I didn't know I would spend much of February through April fighting to be able to breastfeed Will as we dealt with some oral-motor issues with him. Lots of pumping, bottles, and oral therapy for him. I had no idea what a struggle that would be. I also had no idea what a joy it would be on the other side of the struggle.

The Bahamas - for five months - I had no clue.

New Jersey - Donny's first call as a pastor. I had no idea this time last year I would be preparing for a move to New Jersey. No clue.

If this year has taught me anything (and it has taught me a lot), I know that I know nothing. I have no idea what tomorrow holds, but my God does.

2011 has been so crazy. So. Crazy. When out on a date a few weeks ago, Donny asked me what the most memorable or significant event of 2011 had been. My eyes immediately welled up with tears. My dear Will and his birth was by far the most significant of many significant events of 2011. How little I knew a year ago.

I am thankful for 2011. My sweet Will. Donny's graduation from seminary. An interim pastorate in the Bahamas. A call to New Jersey. And so much more in between. God knows my days, what will happen, and he is near in it all. Nothing is out of his control. Thank you, Lord, for 2011. While I am excited about a fresh start and the hope of settling down into a new phase of life and ministry in 2012, I will take nothing for granted. What I know now is probably not how it will be. BUT...my God is the same yesterday, today, and forever...and for that I am so very thankful.

Christmas Eve 2010 - I've still got 6 weeks, right?

December 31, 2010 - 34 weeks, 4 days - Heading to the Nolls for New Year's Eve
No clue I would be having this baby in 2 days

Jan. 1, 2011 at Sea World - Our last night as a family of four
The next night our sweet Will would be born.

November, 27, 2011 at Sea World
Will almost 11 months old.
What a difference a year makes and how little I knew about how it would unfold.

William Oliver - 10 and 11 Months

Nov. 7, 2011 - 10 months, 5 days old

Dec. 2, 2011 - 11 months old

It's December 23, 2011 - just 10 days away from Will's 1st birthday (WHAT???!!!) - The last two months have been such a whirlwind. On November 8 we moved from Freeport, Grand Bahama Island back to Orlando, made a 5 day trip to New Jersey, spent Thanksgiving in Florida, and then headed up to Chattanooga on December 6 for Christmas. Will hasn't quite been the same since we left Freeport. Not too many nights of uninterrupted sleep. Lots of middle-of-the-night feedings. He has become quite the Mama's boy. It's not all the time, but in the late afternoon and evening he really prefers me...which is just fine most of the time. Extra snuggles are nice.

At 11 months Will has the biggest smile you have ever seen. He got teeth numbers 3 & 4 (the top two) in the last two months. His hair is getting longer (and may need a trim soon - sniff, sniff). He naps twice each day for about 2-2.5 hours at a time. Since we have been in Chattanooga, he has been sleeping until 8 or 8:30 a.m. (which is great since my mom takes care of Hunter and Millie when they first wake up), so I have been sleeping a little later to make up for the middle of the night meetings with dear William.

No crawling yet. Lots of rolling and some army crawling. We definitely have to keep him out of the Christmas presents. There is one present of Millie's that Will constantly goes for. The poor tag is just shriveled.

Will has been eating more and more solid foods. Applesauce, peaches, baby mum mums, green beans, lunch meat, and even some tiny bites of dinner casseroles. For the most part, the flood gates are open, and Will is eating like a big boy.

I can't believe his one year birthday is almost here. I remember that day so vividly, like it was yesterday. I will have time to reflect on it in a week or two. For now, enjoy these pics of our sweet 11 month old. Still a baby (for now).

Thanksgiving 2011

Christmas pics at Bass Pro Shops

Merry Christmas from our favorite 11 month old!

The Things They Say...

Earlier this month, I was teaching the kids a grammar lesson on middle names.

Me to Millie: "Millie, do you know what Mommy's middle name is?"

Millie: "What did Mimi (my mom) call you when you disobeyed?"

Oh, the things they say.

William Oliver - 9 Months Old

October 8, 2011 - 9 months, 6 days old

Since Will is just a few days away from turning 10 months old, I thought I better get to his 9 month post.

I remember 9 months being sad for me with Hunter and Millie. Now with Will, I struggle not to start mourning the end of the baby year. 9 months. He's 3/4 the way through his first year of life. The Lord has been gracious to me with Will. I think since he is my third and since we had such a traumatic birth with him, I see what a true gift he is and soak up the moments I have with him. It is always exciting (I think for him and for me) when I go to get him out of bed. Peeking over his crib and just catching his eyes is magical for both of us. We both light up when we see each other. I love the bond I have with him.

At 9 months, Will is finally sitting up on his own. He only began to do that a week or so ago, so it was really at 9 1/2 months that he began sitting up. He can't sit himself up yet, but he will stay upright for a while if I sit him up. No crawling yet. Not even a hint of interest, and that's how the Friederichsen babies do it. I can't remember when Millie crawled. I think it was around 10 or 11 months. Hunter didn't crawl until 13 months. So we're just hanging out right now figuring out how to keep our balance sitting up...and that's just fine by me.

One of Will's favorite things to do is eat Cheerios. He loves to sit in his high chair and just shove them into his mouth. Once I pour them on his tray, he dives into them. It's fun and gross. There are always mushy Cheerios left on his collar. I have to shake him when I take him out of the high chair, and I never get them all the first time.

Will eats like a champ. I dropped his late night "dream feed" this month, so he is down to 5 feedings/day, usually 7:00, 10:30, 1:30, 4:30, and 7:30 (give or take 30 minutes). He eats solids after his morning feeding and his late afternoon feeding. I just gave him banana for the first time yesterday (which he loved). That was his first fruit. As of now, he rotates through squash, avocado, sweet potato, peas, and now banana. He also dropped his evening cat nap, so normal days now consist of two naps, one morning and one afternoon. Ideally, the morning nap is about 2 hours and the afternoon is about 2 1/2-3 hours...but we don't live in an ideal world, do we? Still, he is a great sleeper. He goes to bed between 7:30-8 p.m. and sleeps until 7ish in the morning.

Pardon the details, but I have not been as diligent with Will in writing down all these details on a daily basis, so these blog posts will help me remember these milestones/routines.

No top teeth yet, but he did cut number 2 of his bottom teeth right before turning 9 months, so he is sporting his two bottom teeth. Based on his fussiness tonight, I think a top tooth might appear soon, but we'll see.

Last week, Will started making more sounds, and we all think he is sayng "Mama." He's saying "Mama" in the same way a newborn smiles...it's not voluntary yet, but it's still soooo cute and endearing. It definitely warms this mama's heart.

We leave the Bahamas on Tuesday, November 8. Will, when we leave the Bahamas, you will have spent as much time here as you have in America. That's crazy. What a light you have been to me in this transition. Your smiles are so bright, and your snuggles warm my heart. One of our good friends here, Dugie, doesn't think a Sunday at church is complete without getting a smile from you. I pray as you grow that your sweet and cheerful disposition will be one that winsomely leads other to wonder about your joy and the God who gives you joy. I pray you will continue to find your joy in him. And I pray you keep your right dimple...cause it is soooo cute.

Will, I love you so much. While I get a little sad realizing how big you are getting, I am also excited to see how you will continue to grow. I am so thankful for you and our 9 months together. I pray for many, many more days, months, and years ahead. More smiles, more snuggles, more laughter, more lessons...more of you.

Love, Mommy

Sitting up all on his own (but notice the pillow still behind him just in case)

Chillin' at the beach

Field Trip at the Garden of the Groves. Will has been my "baby gear" baby.
I love carrying Will in the Ergo.

Climbing on Daddy. Just ignore the scissors. Donny was multitasking.
Playing jungle gym for Will and cutting out something for Hunter.

Will still loves his thumb, especially when he gets tired. Sweet him.

Oh, those eyes. Melt, melt, melt.

Since I am posting this just a few minutes before Halloween 2011,
I thought I would post a pic of Will's Halloween costume last year in 2010.

Love him so much.

Night. Night.